In my other life where I work and toil to pay the actual bills I had to take a food safety course today.  First off food safety is assuredly important stuff to have a handle on, but at the same point in time it’ll freak your shit out if you think about it.  Today I went through my eight hours of mandatory training and outside of a few food code changes/updates what I took from today was our instructors love of the absurd.  To honor the day and to remind everyone to always prepare their food safely here are a few choice quotes.

You should probably think about this the next time you bite into a Dome-Dog.

1. Chicken is dirty and bad
2. Insects and rodents aren’t a food safety concern but instead are a food confidence problem.  (How can you sell food if you’ve got rats running all over the place.)
3. Its impossible to perform pathogenic free farming because pathogens are everywhere.  Its also pretty stupid to think you could perform genetic free farming but that’s also stupid
4. Don’t trust the damned chicken ever
5. Never used galvanized anything
6. Tomatoes cut are bad
7. Pete’s private parts do not like coffee
8. Eating bad food causes big diarrhea
9. Eating bad chicken causes gigantic diarrhea
10. Spilling on private parts induces anger
11. Boat cruises are a test of one’s stamina
12. Don’t ever trust a reptile
13. Casinos have a random population that comes in and eats everything and brings in everything too.
14. If you make a toxin you can’t get rid of it
15. It takes seven layers of TP to stop fecal transfer, normal consumptions is 4 layers
16. Hot air has no friction
17. Pepper is awful and dirty
18. Never forget chicken is filthy

Now, these are just a few notes/guidelines that I picked up.  Don’t take these as writ but I’m hoping you’ll laugh.

This entry was posted on 04/26/2010 at 9:24 pm and is filed under Random. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.